Recently I was told that they didn’t deserve me. Normally we say, oh thanks, what a nice compliment. I am generally one of those people. However, on my way to work this morning I gave this compliment a bit more thought. Break down the words and meanings. When you have this much time on your hands, it’s the sort of thing I tend to do.

Being a pessimist for the majority of my life, I hear this comment and my knee-jerk reaction is to feel sad because I am not good enough. I interpret the comment as though the other is telling me they deserve better. I know in this case that is in fact not what was being said, but like I said, knee-jerk.

So I got to thinking about the positive side of the intended compliment and still I came up a little short. I wonder why one would say that to someone else. Is it really because consciously or sub-consciously the person paying the compliment really does feel they deserve more than what you do? Or is it because this is the easiest way to tell someone thanks for all you do, but please don’t expect the same from me. I do not deserve you because I could never do all the things you do for me so please keep your expectations low.

Maybe I just don’t see it, or I read too much into things, but these are powerful words. “Deserve” is a very powerful word, at least to me it is. I have always felt that in life you get what you deserve. If you are a good hard working person you can expect good things to come to you. They may not come immediately, but eventually they will. If you are a mean and nasty person, you will probably end up in jail or alone and that is exactly what you deserve.

I have often said these words to people as an intended compliment. My most honest reasoning was likely because I felt the person on the other end deserved better than I could ever be. Set the bar low and hope you don’t disappoint them too much.

This was my old way of thinking and I have since decided this is a shitty way to think of yourself. It kills your own self-esteem and even though you might be a good loving person, you will share the same fate as the mean and nasty person all alone. You might not end up in prison, but you’ll end up alone.

To change this thought process, I made the conscious decision to instead try and show the people and things I possess in my life the respect they do deserve. We all deserve to be loved and we all deserve to be happy. Who loves us and makes us happy is up to fate to decide, but we first must establish a base of self-worth and a feeling of deserving what is currently around you. It’s easy to say I don’t deserve this and walk away. But if you want to show your appreciation for what you have in your life and help yourself to understand you deserve what you do have, you have to show it appreciation. You have to do exactly what you expect to be done in return. If you expect compliments and respect, you must give it in return. Push yourself to try and give more than you think you probably should and even better things will come in return.

This applies to material things just the same as it does people in your life. If you have a nice house or car you feel you may not deserve, chances are you neglect simple things about it and eventually it will break down. However, if you show those things the respect and admiration you feel they deserve, at the end of the day you will appreciate your valiant efforts. If you keep your car well maintained, your car will respond by running as long as it was engineered to run with few problems. Materials things cannot give back directly to you emotionally, but if you respect what you have as you deserve to have it, they certainly won’t create negative emotions because it is always broken.

Although this is a simple compliment with positive intentions, please think about why you are saying it for just a second. Chances are you will never need to actually say the words. All you have to do is return whatever gestures that inspired you to think this way in the first place. Because if you didn’t deserve whatever it is you are looking at, it wouldn’t be in your life. Besides, it’s not up to you to decide what the other person or thing deserves, it’s up to you to respect them, or it, as you expect to be respected in return. If that respect is not returned in full, then it doesn’t deserve you and will soon be gone.