All in All
Alright USA, you voted for change right along with me. We have elected a new President that breaks many barriers that just recently existed in this country. Bravo.
However…..I am embarrassed in other ways to be an American. Even though we were able to put aside our racial differences at the highest offices, across the country we decided to discriminate a new group. There were 4, I think, state constitutional amendments that defined a marriage as being of one man and one woman. All of them passed. Why does it have to be so? Why can’t it just say 2 adults? This is a sad and blatant discrimination against fellow American citizens who only seek the protection marriage laws provide us in terms of survivor-ship and what not. This is not a religious issue, although its been made to be one. I’m open to all ideas, but how can you possibly justify putting literature in our laws designed to protect people from physical harm that limits the rights of citizens who abide by such laws? I don’t get it.
I’m trying to keep up as best I can here so if my posts this wee are rambly, it’s because I have a full workload at my real job. As in unusual 9-11 hour days. This will end soon though so just bear with me.
On top of that, I am experiencing the joys of medication withdrawals. Since my father died almost 3 years ago, I have taken zoloft to handle and manage anxiety and depressive mood swings. I probably really did need something to take the edge off, but I wish I never started. If you ever took any flavor of these kinds of pills, you will know what I mean when I talk about the WD’s. These “brain zaps” or “shivers” or whatever are so freakin miserable, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Google that shit, there’s plenty of material to describe it in detail. In a nutshell your brain is playing catch up when you re-focus your vision and you get an electrical surge along with extreme dizziness or vertigo that feels like you could fall over at any moment. I’m not going cold turkey, but I may as well with these things. I take a couple supplements from my neighborhood whole foods which help somewhat, but its still miserable. There are MANY withdrawal effects which I will not mention here, but these zaps are by far the worst. I guess when you start fucking with the chemicals in your brain, it’s to be expected.
These medications do help balance those who need balance. Perhaps in time I will see I need help gaining such balance. But if you are considering starting these, do some real research. Consider what the end result is before the immediate solution. Personally, I just don’t want to rely on a pill anymore for happiness and balance. So I decided to come off and get back to being me. Instead of using a pill to get happy, I will use myself and the things I enjoy most in life. We will all endure sadness and stress in our lifetimes, some more that others. But my ease of turning to a pill to fix me I see now was not worth the money and side effects. Some simple R&R and a living environment surrounding me may have been harder at the time, but better in the long term.
Next will be my insomnia curing sleeping pill medication. I’m not ready to quit these. I’ve suffered from insomnia since my teenage years. Sleeping every night all night for the past 5 or 6 years has been way better than the every other night of sleep the previous 12 years. Also, while my kids were infants, I didn’t need these as I was so damn tired from sharing in the late night feeding duties and still working my full time job. I was damned tired!
So now I will leave you with 2 songs from one of my favorite Orlando natives. Sadly, he’s not around anymore but his single album is still popular with me. I still wish I could have the live solo acoustic version of In Your Eyes he did several years back I witnessed, but oh well. The second video features Selma Blair if you like her. I prefer the song myself. I hope he’s doing well.
November 6th, 2008 at 12:29 am
You’ve made your gay wife very proud.
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November 6th, 2008 at 12:59 am
hi hockeyman. i am happy for you that you have decided that the pills are not for you and that you are determined enough to deal with the withdrawal. i know exactly what you mean. i have gotten them just when i have missed a day or so and cannot handle it. i am too weak right now to even consider going without and don’t know that i could deal with the brain buzzes, shivers etc. i will keep watching for your progress reports. can you tell me how long you have been withdrawing?
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November 6th, 2008 at 2:36 am
Bravo! Kudos! Yay! I’m so happy for and proud of you Hockeyman!
I will bet that one day you’ll be happily brain zap-free, taking long sleeps each and every night without Ambien.
You’re strong and it seems as though you really know what you want out of life from this point forward. With supportive, kind, loving people surrounding you and lending a helping hand, ear to listen or arms to hug…you can really do anything
Huckdoll’s last blog post..Dreams Do Come True
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November 6th, 2008 at 4:07 am
Well, what can I say…..very very very good decision.
You know it will not be easy but you also know the rewards are far far far far superior from what you have today.
I will support you from here!
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November 6th, 2008 at 7:30 am
Oh hun, why didn’t you tell me? You need: electrolytes (from whole foods, get the lemon/lime kind and mix it in half the water they tell you), CHOCOLATE (in copious amounts to up your serotonin levels a titch) and finally, most important benedryl (to take care of all the rest, cept the zaps. but if you get the good stuff, the zaps will be kinda less zappy).
I am SO proud of you.
Zoeyjane’s last blog post..On Boundaries
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November 6th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
You sound like a strong person with an awesome supporting family. Keep us posted in your journey and know that you are supported.
OHmommy’s last blog post..Quack you my middle child!
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November 6th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
That fifth paragraph is great to read.
Well done.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..A cold day in ET
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November 6th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
I’m so glad that you’ve made this decision HM. Listen to ZJ, girls smart. I’ll be cheering you on all the way buddy!
Miss’s last blog post..web too point oh
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November 8th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Thanks for coming by from Huck’s, and I’m doing the same!
I agree so much with you here on how far we’ve come and yet how far yet to go. The constitutional amendments to the definition of marriage were as sad as what happened in Arkansas where there are now fewer options for kids in need of loving homes. There even I couldn’t adopt or open my home to foster children. Disgusting. Deplorable. Still, I can’t help but hope just a bit after what we’ve just witnessed that someday, with action, someday…
I know little about coming off of medications, and I’m not a doc, but if you are doing it safely and are liking the results, then I think it’s really awesome, and I’ll add my pom poms to the cheering section. Good luck!
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