This is HARD
I think it’s not too bad so long as I don’t move or breathe or blink. As you know I am withdrawing from the anti-depressant medication Zoloft. Saturday was my last pill and it probably wasn’t the best way to do it but I really didn’t have much choice. I was out. This time though, I was not going to get a refill as I was trying to week off the juice.
Today is probably the first day the drug has dropped to single digit percentages in my blood stream. This means the many affects have hit me full on and are the wickedest form in all regards. Tremors, dizziness, vertigo, electrical shocks in your extremities, anxiety, insomnia, and a headache that goes from a burning sensation right behind your eyes to a throb in the back of your skull.
Often, while walking I feel as though I am going to fall over or even faint. It is a wicked wicked nasty and awful way to spend your day. Emotions of all kinds are on the brink of explosion.
Some people don’t experience any of the symptoms, I seemed to have hit the lottery and gotten all or most of them. I guess 3 years of a chemical dependency will do that. That, however, is the benefit to my current state of internal misery. I will no longer be dependent on a legal mind altering drug. Not that I ever got the fun of feeling high from other mind altering drugs, I was just a controlled shell of contained emotion unsure of how to break free.
Though I still feel awful, I’m hoping that some of the things based on suggestions from friends and google are keeping these effects lower than normal, but they are still pretty bad. Though I am sticking with it.
Someday I will kick the insomnia pills as well. But not all at once. The only thing I ever want to take in a day are vitamins and supplements that will make the real me better or healthier. I only want things that will make me stronger and healthier, not control and contain the real me. At least not to the point of control these pills have created.
Of all the mind altering substances I have taken in life, this one really hasn’t been nearly as much fun as it leaves your system. I think I would prefer the way too much alcohol exits. At least you know it will be all out and all over soon enough.
Uncomfortable time is to be expected but all this for this long? Gimmie a damn break! Even meth I think takes less time to wear off. When I quit smoking 12 years ago for the last time, the side effects after were not so bad or as long lasting.
Warning, if any of you work in the labs that created these pills, I will be flooding your inbox with all the worst spam I can find. But thanks for reading my blog! Maybe you could send me some money back cause it sure as hell wasn’t worth all the money I gave you to make it!
According to research on Effexor, these side effects can last for months after you stop. At least with Zoloft it’s only expected to last a couple weeks or maybe a month. My suggestion to those of you on Effexor, talk to your doctor about switching to something that will not be so brain zappy after you come off.
Thank you to all those who have offered me public and private support with your comments and emails. They really have given me great inspiration to fight through these hard days. I hope you like the hockeyman that comes through the other side. 
November 12th, 2008 at 12:27 am
I didn’t comment on the first brain shivers post just because I couldn’t get my thoughts together.
I have been where you are right now. It took me almost five months before the side effects stopped, and when they did, I was so relieved. \
One thing that really really helped me while I was dealing with the shivers is water. I noticed that they were worse when I was dehydrated and so I took to drinking about a half-gallon of water a day. Another thing, and this one is a bit harder, but if you can stop walking/moving before you turn your head, that sometimes helped me, too.
It will get better. Keep your head up … unless you need to put it down and close your eyes to keep from horking.
Sarah’s last blog post..Boring fact #32
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November 12th, 2008 at 12:31 am
I am so sorry to hear you’re in the thick of all these withdrawal symptoms now. Some of these symptoms alone are awful enough, nevermind all at once.
I hope these weeks fly by and things start to level off soon.
Momisodes’s last blog post..Copy Cat
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November 12th, 2008 at 1:03 am
I’m not a doctor and hope that you have a good and trusted one under whose care you are doing this, but as a non-doctor and someone who has not gone through quite the same thing just reading and trusting that you know what is best for you, I’m sending you all the best wishes. Hopefully the worst of it will be over soon, and I look forward to seeing who comes out the other side.
Good luck.
Maggie’s Mind’s last blog post..But Where Does It Go?
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November 12th, 2008 at 9:28 am
I know you can do it!
Light’s last blog post..A Vote for Change
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November 12th, 2008 at 11:17 am
I’m too much of a chicken to come off of it, and I like myself better on it, so I’ll be living with the Z forever I think.
You, my dear husband, I love any way I can get you.
The Wife’s last blog post..Wordless 11.12.8: Stolen Daddy Moment
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November 12th, 2008 at 11:53 am
You just made me so glad that I never really took the Zoloft I was prescribed [2 times] like I was supposed to, and quit before it took effect. It sounds like you are going through hell.
Hope it passes sooner than later and good luck off the stuff! I have a friend that swears by fish oil pills and yoga.
Maria’s last blog post..For Your Information:
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November 12th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I feel for you. Several years ago I was taking several antidepressants. I lost around a hundred pounds and my dosages weren’t changed. I was a zombie for several months, until I flushed everything down the toilet one day. Oh my goodness. I wasn’t mentally addicted to them-I never had the urge to go back to the doctor and get more and I did not get any kind of “buzz” from them, but the physical withdrawal was horrendous. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
derfina’s last blog post..Color me red, white and blue.
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November 12th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I used to take Zoloft and had the same sucky symptoms when I stopped, although mine seemed to be more mind because I tried to taper off rather than stop cold-turkey. You may think about taking St. John’s Wort to help with the withdrawal symptoms. And if you ever want to get off the insomnia pills, liquid Valerian Root extract is amazing about 30 minutes before you want to go to bed.
MamaWise’s last blog post..One day they’ll hate me for this…
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November 12th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
In a cruel kind of way, try to imagine how much damage they were doing to you to begin with, if this the reaction when you come off them.
I think you are doing a very strong, control taking, and good thing.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Anyone got a cigarette?
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November 12th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I hope you’re doing all of this with a Professional standing by. Someone who knows what to do if things get to be too bad?
lceel’s last blog post..Tuesday’s Tale
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November 12th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Gosh I hope you feel better SOON. I have no advice for ya, b/c I didn’t have any bad w/d but SURELY there’s something out there,r ight? Except, I did hear something about exercising helping some ppl a whole lot. Maybe?
Ashley’s last blog post..Cycles
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November 13th, 2008 at 2:01 am
I was on Lithium for ten years and I quit cold turkey without a single symptom of withdrawal! My point? Maybe you should switch from Zoloft to Lithium FIRST, and THEN quit!! I’m kidding, of course (I know the two aren’t exactly transferable!), and I wish you all the luck in the world.
It’s a very brave thing to do, to quit taking a drug that you thought you needed for so long, and you should be very proud!
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November 15th, 2008 at 12:45 am
I know how hard it is. I know how horrible you are feeling. I am glad you are weaning off it first though.
MPS is on Zoloft. For a couple of weeks he was insanely hard to live with. Mood swings, not sleeping, shaking all the time. I was ready to kick him out cause I just couldn’t stand it any longer.
Turns out he ran out of pills (and he was on a STRONG dose) and didn’t bother getting any more. It was TWO WEEKS before I knew. So I hauled his arse to the doctor, the doctor yelled at him and weaned him back on again…
Do it slowly.
Kelley’s last blog post..Dammit. I knew there was something missing from Boo’s party. And keeping with the tradition of freakishly long blog post titles, something about Christmas too.
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