Is that bad?
So a few weeks ago I started going to a therapist for my insomnia. Suffered from it for many years and it can really fuck with you emotionally after a while. Leads to all sorts of other problems. Emotional balances get out of whack, depressions, extreme highs, etc. For a while I took Zoloft and although it kept my emotions inside the lines so to speak, it didn’t actually provide a cure. So now I seek professional help willingly and in hopes I do find a final and natural solution to a mind that never shuts off.
I’ve been 3 times and each time my hour seems to run a little bit longer.
The first time I went I was told I needed to do more family things, attend more sporting events, participate in more physical activities like sports and workouts, try to get to more concerts, and write more. So after that session I setup 2 outings to see 2 of my most favorite performers, fulfilled a promise to take my little girl to see her favorite hockey team and at $6 per ticket made it a family outing, started playing soccer since hockey was too expensive this season, polished some details on the 2 family weddings I will attend in April, and depleted the rest of my little savings on seasonal passes to Disney World. After we go 3 more times, the passes will have paid for themselves in terms of visits to cost of single day tickets. Of course, the value of the happiness I feel and my children feel when we are there was well surpassed after trip number 1. I am very lucky to live close enough to these places for a couple hours on almost any given weekend. We bring our own food and just get lost in the magic. It’s wonderful.
Basically I was told to indulge in more of what I love to do most.
Trip number 2 was a recap of all that I just mentioned plus a chat about musical performers past and present and of course, we get into relationship discussions and emotionally traumatic events of my previous days. Same as visit 1 but obviously more details were given and more specific harder questions were asked. I basically came away with instructions to do more with the misses in a one on one type setting even if its something as simple as watching a movie. Although we haven’t done a good job at that, as hard as it is with toddlers and home based business to attend to, we’ve started small with some TV shows. Oh, and we’re going to at least one of those concerts together. Even though it’s with another couple, it’s still an outing as adults sans children.
(Obviously this isn’t full disclosure, as mot of the hairy details are just nunya.)
Trip 3 from today found more of something I thought about than I did after the first 2 visits. There was some casual interest discussion but a lot more focus on the deeper side of my history. Death, depressions, hospitalizations, disease, relocation, and births. All of which seemed to lead to reactions I didn’t expect from a licensed professional. There was the typical furious scribbling of pen on paper and I could have sworn I saw smoke at one point. But it was the hand over gaped mouth and gasps and “whoa” reactions as my words were written down. I’ve never actually looked at any of the stories I told as a continuing stack of events that build upon my emotional persona. I also can understand how hearing all of this at once in just a few hours of conversation can seem extreme, but timing is everything. The last 5 years have been more extreme than the previous 20 in my opinion but as I continue to read Tolle’s book and learn of one’s pain-body, I see more and more connection. Seriously folks, this book is amazing and I am learning more and more about myself and others at the same time. Actions, reactions, triggers, and awareness of presence. It’s fascinating. Still though, I found myself telling stories that related to questions I was asked with a very casual nature and even smiling as I told them. I cannot change what happened, I can only embrace the past as it is what it is and I can only focus on the present. It’s harder than it sounds. Sometimes I even still find myself thinking about past events and fighting back tears. I must be getting better though because I was told I looked like I’d been resting better as the circles under my eyes were much smaller than before. A compliment of sorts and yes I have been resting better.
Anyway, notes were still being written and the end of tales being told and after I set my next meeting. I even got up and was walking out by my own clock watching. I did not get any assignments for the time in between and the final words I heard were “wow, take care and see you soon.” As I walked back to my car I wondered, is that bad?
March 18th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
I’m so so so very happy.
I love you.
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March 18th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
(Obviously this isn’t full disclosure, as mot of the hairy details are just nunya.)
I heard she’s got some hairy legs!
Glad that you’re getting so much out of seeing someone. I know that counseling helped me work through quite a bit of my own stuff, so I have faith in the stuff!
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March 18th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Sounds like good things will come of this. Glad to hear you’re getting some rest!
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March 18th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
I guess I’m in the lurker catagory…I read when I can, just don’t take the time to comment…I am VERYproud of you for seeking professional help. You are very important to me. Love you.
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March 19th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Sounds too like you had a lot of pent of stuff and it’s been a good thing to unleash it so to speak. Good for you in seeking help.
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March 19th, 2009 at 11:24 am
i’m going to see my therapist at 1:45 today.
there is nothing better.
good for you!! a lot of men won’t talk to anyone…or if they do, they don’t admit it!!
and no…there was nothing bad in what was said at the end. that just showed that behind the smoking pen, there is a human.
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March 19th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Dammit.
I want one of those.
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March 20th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
It is not bad; it is very good. You know, it’s amazing that you’re doing this for yourself … I think it will be very helpful to you.
I had a friend who felt that everyone should see a therapist at some point in their lives, and I tend to agree with her. Maybe I should listen to her advice myself…
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March 21st, 2009 at 7:34 am
Good for you for taking care of YOU!!! I hope great things come from this.
And it is always good to do more things that make you happy (family time, sports). Here is to more good times ahead!!
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March 21st, 2009 at 8:38 pm
As a veteran of many years of therapy, I know it’s a good thing you’re doing. It helps so much to understand why you react certain ways to things. It also helps to not repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Try to learn some relaxation techniques for falling asleep, they really do work.
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March 23rd, 2009 at 5:34 pm
The book, the book, I NEED the book. Want to loan it to me when you are done?
And ARE you sleeping any better?
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