Five

It’s hard to believe that 5 years have passed. Most people will tell you the years go by in a flash. I think that is only 50% true in my case. There are ways and moments that time has flown but also crawled.

5 years ago today my 2nd little girl was born. In that time, she has become adored by every human she comes in contact with. Her eyes will hypnotize the toughest of tough and her soft voice would melt a glacier. She has the biggest heart in the tiniest body and a personality you just need to be around. Her sass and attitude are present as well, but she saves that for just her mom and dad. She is the other apple of my eye and has me firmly wrapped around her little finger. She is my snuggle bear and she is my baby girl. My time with her truly has flown by.

As I mentioned earlier, time has also felt like a complete crawl. Time seems to slow down when I think about my father. As you may know, today is also the 5 year anniversary of my fathers death. Perhaps because of the sudden nature of his passing it’s been harder to accept. Perhaps it is hard because there is so much I wanted to share with him in the past 5 years but could not. Or maybe it was the new friendship he and I had started to develop the last years he would be with us. We chatted online almost every day the last 5+ years he was alive, and whenever I see my online friend list, his name is still there. As though it will suddenly go from greyed out to bold, I could never remove him from my list.

Today marks a very unique celebration of life in my world. We celebrate together with happiness and cheer the life of my beautiful daughter. Then at night and generally by myself, I quietly celebrate the life of my father. I do not let my daughter, or anyone else for that matter, see me mourn the loss of my dad. My daughter has no idea that only 8 hours separate the events of this day 5 years ago. She only knows the grandfather she never met knew her name. Someday she will, but that day is not today.

For my daughter today is all about pizza, barbie cakes, and presents from her family and friends. At 5 years old she deserves nothing less than a smile on her daddy’s face. Even if her daddy is drifting in his own mind remembering his. My father would have wanted it that way.

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